Wednesday, July 16, 2008

No wonder


From birth, beliefs were instilled into my mind: Counting one, two, three; Singing ABC's; Christopher Columbus discovering America; Nine planets orbiting around Sol.

Then Leif Erickson took title: "First European" that sailed across Atlantic Ocean finding another continent.

Now, Pluto removed because of size; how many men need therapy after such news? What dogma will be obliterated next? Seven coming before Eight? When does R become politically incorrect and is refused entry within the alphabet?

Questions which had already been answered, asked again, resulting in absolute confusion. Once known as facts scientists, historians prove false. No wonder I write fiction.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

AIR!


In the air around here there's a whisper. Barely discernable. In fact, most people here have gotten so used to it that it doesn't even register to them anymore. But if any of them ever drifts anywhere else, goes to another county, or even wanders beyond their borders, the whispering stops. Without explanation. Of course, the majority of people don't even notice it has stopped. They just feeling the familiar overwhelming air of anxiousness and malaise, and can't feel comfortable again until they're back where 'they belong'. It manages to remain inconspicuous and, for the most part, draw no attention to itself. But, even for those of us that do notice it, it has been accepted and understood that the whisper in the air is unchanging and inanimate. And for the most part, it has been. You wander a certain distance, you feel uneasy, and you can only rectify it by returning. As straightforward as that. Lately, however, it's become so much more. Not only a physical attempt at distance, but also now even emotional and intellectual progression causes silence. If any of us makes the briefest indication that they might want to better themselves as a person- read a book, learn another language, write poetry- it washes over them. The silence comes, drowning out everything. Worse now, it makes you physically ill. Lasting longer than before, days at a time. There's no escape, except to stay within the confines of your street, and cite Cable TV, the newspaper, the all encompassing 'net', and neighbourhood gossip as your only salient sources of information. Once, I managed to speak to a visitor. A pale man, haggard but young. His eyes betrayed his body. His physical matter had been worn down to the bone, and his skin seems to cling to him for fear of falling off, wrinkled and grey, but spotlessly clean. But all this could not hide the truth of his eyes- he was a young man. I asked him of the whisper, but he told me he could not hear our whisper- but that back when he was home they could hear a whisper of their own. He had made it his aim to hear the whisper of a different folk, to compare as many whispers as possible, and to draw a conclusion of what they represented and what significance their silence held. He never told me the distance or length of time he had travelled, but as he rounded the corner onto the path to the bordering county, I felt the strongest compulsion to follow him. To ignore the silence, to allow myself to be worn away by the silence, just so I could understand. But I didn't. I wandered back to my home, but his memory wouldn't leave me. That's why I'm writing this. I'm not pretending to know what it is, but all I know is there can only ever be one way out. I just have to try to find it. I know I'll never understand it, or probably even notice once I've found it, but I know that I can't be at ease until then. Maybe I'll never find it. But I know I've made my efforts. I only hope that my search, if fruitless, will aid someone else years down the line. Remove even 4 steps from their journey. But I write these words in my room late at night, fearful of being found by those who think they hear nothing, and could never understand what I'm trying to do. This has to be found by the right person, or we're lost forever. Gradually as I've been writing this, documenting my thoughts, the whispering has started to get quieter. 

Started to fade from existence. 

As have I.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Significant dreams


He pulls his knees up against his chest and stares out his appartmentwindow at nothing in particular. "She" is on his mind again. "She" fills his every waking thought with ache and longing. A crude sketch of "her" crude perfection is framed over his bare mattress, accented by the plain walls around it. On the table there is a pile of cards he made to "her", but never sent. The floor is swept the room is clean. If only he could meet "her". Maybe he never will.

First talk


We have not met, yet there is a sparkle of excitement from our talks. Exchanging pictures and wonderful stories on the phone has started this reaction of pure wonderment!! The joyful tones of her voice as you look at her picture creates eagerness to know so much more. The travels of life sends you to areas unknown, is this a new friend that could lead to a Paradise of a new beginnings? Or just a passing of two lonely ships in a huge ocean of loneness? You hear the remote sounds of this lonely callings which steers your feelings to the resonance of a untainted yearning to learn more.

who am I?


Who am I? I don’t know I have no idea Do I even care? Yes! I’m unique. I’m different !! I know that. I do. REALLY! Wait...do I? No, I don’t I don’t know anything. What on earth IS everything? I DON’T UNDERSTAND! Wait, what the hell am I talking about? Of course I know. Of course. Right. Yes! I’m special. I’m special...just like everybody else. No. No. I’m just like them. THEM. All the same, trying to be different. By rebelling I am submitting. I am nothing in a vast bowl of nothingness. One lonesome soul Swimming in a sea of empty faces Not knowing anything, Not doing anything, Just being. Hey, I can do better than that. I can be me. I’M BEING ME! Well? Isn’t that good enough? No? Well, it’s good enough for me.

The search for meaning


Twisted branches
make puzzle pieces of a grey sky
that bleakly hides a universe from me.
At night
So far away
the stars tell all,
that there is nothing more,
so beautifully.

WHATS THE PURPOSE!


Once upon a time

A stone was flung across a universe

By a mindless hand .

Past rainbow-colored stars

Through a cold and infinite span .

Caught on the other side

Flung back the stone

Another mindless hand

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